The 7 Habits of Truly Average People

Excellence is for suckers, those weak-minded souls who’ve bought into the system.

Don’t fall for it.

1. Reach for the Horizon: Set goals that are reachable. If you can imagine it, it’s meant for you. Those stars beyond the horizon and over your head? If you were meant to reach them, they’d be closer. Warn others of this overreaching fault to prevent them from disappointment too.

2. Is it Required? If a degree or certification isn’t required for your job, don’t get it. Especially if it’s not reimbursed. If it was important, they’d have written it into the job description. You already graduated, if that wasn’t enough, then why do you have the diploma?

3. You Deserve It: Hard day? You deserve television. Walk a mile? You deserve a donut. In fact, every time you feel tired, you deserve food and relaxation. Promoted? Yep, you deserve a new car. If the bank approves the loan, they think you deserve it too.

4. Compare Constantly: Compare office and cubicle sizes, raises, paid time off, cars, trucks, houses, spouses, and hair styles. How else can average people be happy if there is no one worse off? Find someone in a better situation? They cheated to get it.

5. Thank Your Parents: They told you being an astronaut wasn’t in your future and they were right. Not smart enough? Probably genetics. Find reality TV fascinating? Thank your parents for Saturday morning cartoons. Relationship issues? Your parents were the example. So thank them. Or blame them. Either way, you aren’t responsible.

6. Overpromise: Tell your boss to expect it tomorrow morning. Then turn it in the following day with a reason for the delay. Repeat this weekly. Do the same with your kids. They too need to learn what reality is and to limit all expectations.

Did I say there were 7 habits? Guess I overpromised.

 

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